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5 Styles Of Conflict Management — and when to use them

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Many people see work place conflict as a sign of failure, that is, a failure to maintain smooth and harmonious relations with a person or a group of people. But, the truth is that conflict is inevitable; it will happen in most workplaces where there groups of people working towards goals, (sometimes competing goals).

In fact, there are 5 main sources of conflict which can often be exacerbated in a pressurized work setting.

  1. Goals. Conflicting goals or priorities can lead to conflict
  2. Personality clashes are one of the biggest cause of conflict
  3. Limited resources can lead to fierce competition and conflict
  4. Difference in Style. Differences in thinking or communication style can lead to conflict
  5. Differences in values

So, since conflict is inevitable, to be fully effective in work and life we need to embrace conflict and see it as an opportunity to deploy some conflict management tools to negotiate your way through the situation without the situation escalating. There are five main techniques you can use to manage conflict and these are: Accommodating, Avoiding, Competing, Collaborating, Compromising.

The Thomas Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument

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Below you can find a description of each of these five techniques of negotiation and conflict management as well as tips/excerpts provided by Negotiation Training Experts (with their permission) relating to the kind of situations when these approaches should be deployed.

5 Styles Of Conflict Management — and when to use them

1. Competing (I win you lose) . Use this style, when you need to act or get results quickly. Competition is critical when you are certain that something is not negotiable and immediate compliance is required. The danger here is that competitive styles overuse competition and can lead to deadlock, so you may need to use a blended style, particularly when dealing with others who use a competitive style. Those with accommodating profile styles tend to lose the most against competitive styles. Unchecked competition can leave business relationships in burning tatters.

2. Accommodate (I Lose – You Win) . This is the opposite of competing. This is best used when you are at fault and when it is critical to repair a relationship and if you have no olive branch or gift to offer that will rebuild bridges. Its generally a bad idea to accommodate when dealing with high compete styles as this generosity will be seen as a sign of weakness to be taken advantage of.

3. Avoid (I lose – You Lose). Avoidance is a passive aggressive approach. People who habitually use this style dislike conflict. Rather than talk directly with you about the issue, ‘avoid’ style people may instead try to take revenge without you knowing about it. The avoid style can be a typical reaction to high compete negotiators. The right time to use avoidance is when the value of investing time to resolve the conflict outweighs the benefit; or if the issue under negotiation is trivial (trivial to both parties). Sometimes there is just not enough at stake to risk a difficult conflict situation.

4. Compromise (I Lose / Win Some – You Lose / Win Some)

Compromising is the style that most people think of as negotiation, but in reality compromising is usually just haggling. Compromising often involves splitting the difference, usually resulting in an end position of about half way between both party’s opening positions. In the absence of a good rationale or properly exchanged concessions, half way between the two positions seems “fair”. What compromising ignores however, is that the people that take the most extreme positions tend to get more of what is on offer.

The right time to use this tactic is when you are pushed for time and you are dealing with someone who you trust. They also need to be clear that it would not be in their best interest for them to “win” a cheap victory. Both parties win and lose – but make sure you win the right things and lose the right things.

5. Collaborate (I Win – You Win). “Win/Win” is about making sure both parties have their needs met, and as much mutual value as can be created is created. Under most circumstances collaboration is the primary style you should use for most goals in business to business negotiations. Be careful not to collaborate with competitive style negotiators – unless they agree to and live up to your agreed (written or unwritten) rules of collaboration. Die hard competitive negotiators can be treated in transactional trading manner – e.g. “I’ll only give you this if you give me that“.

Good Reads.

If you are struggling with conflict in work or in life I would recommend this International Best Seller and unofficial bible of conflict manage called, ‘Getting to Yes, negotiating without giving in’, by Roger Fisher and William Ury.

 

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